Mother.  Ahm.  Matre.  Bata.  Dai.  Abatyse.  Mari.  Mathair.  Madre.  Mamma.  Okaasan.  Majka.  Omm.  Morsa.  Muter.  Mare.  Mati.  Mamm. Mommy.  Mom.  Taica.  Meder.  Ana.

All of these words are so different and spread among many different cultures and lands, but one thing they all hold in common is the meaning.  The person who gave you life.  The one who can say ”I brought you into this world…I can just as easily take you out” and “I love you” in the same sentence and make you feel ok.  

 …what? you never heard that growing up.  I did. Many many many times!  I was a bit of a hellion as a child….ok “bit” is an understatement!!  I believe I was born because my parents needed a little spice in their life.  My sole job was to keep things interesting and that I did! 

For a lot of girls, their childhood memories are full of dresses, bows, tea parties, barbies, and all that is girly.  Mine are more like this…..  Riding a bus off base in Bermuda without permission (of course telling the driver it was ok), dragging baby Hammerhead sharks (dead of course) home from the beach to leave in the kitchen for my mom to find (she was not amused as much as I was), hiding a new cat I found in my room hoping she would not deal this one the fate of the last one I snuck in the house (it never worked..always had to find them a home), Hatching millions of Gecko eggs in the house (I told her a cat would have been easier..should have listened).  I was grounded and belted more times than I can count.  My thought process on helping my mom with chores was racing through the living room and knocking all the freshly folded linens on the floor and racing out the backdoor just as fast.  Not coming home until dark of course because I knew that tomorrow I would not see the light of day!

 …. I think you get the point.  I was hell on wheels and this was all before the 3rd grade!

These days of being a blatant terror to my parents came to an end once I realized I was the ‘baby’ of the family and this came with its perks if I played my cards right.  I could get away with almost anything as long as I was discrete about what I did.  So the days of terrorizing my sisters began!  My most well know trick and probably my favorite was biting.  When I was mad at my sisters I would bite my arm just enough to leave a mark and conjure up a few tears and blame it on one of my sisters.  It always worked and never seemed to occur to my parents that the bite mark was always in the same spot.  Regardless, it did the trick and was way better than screaming at them or hitting them and getting myself in trouble. 

Fast forward years upon years later…..

In comes my very own little girl!  She was so gorgeous and independent and ready to conquer the world.  She was me and small and that scared the hell out of me.  I will never forget flying out to visit my Dad when she was 2, maybe 3 and he would watch her so intently and would chuckle at everything she did.  Later in the trip he told me about this thing called Karma.  He said Autumn was just like me when I was a little girl.  Then he followed it with Dad wisdom saying the only difference is when you were little you did things just to do them not realizing what you were doing, Autumn does them and knows exactly what she is doing.  She watches and learns each persons buttons and how to play them.  That is Karma!  Then he followed with a joyful (almost evil) laugh!

So with just celebrating my 7th Mothers Day I have come to realize he was absolutely right!!  Karma got me and it got me good with this little girl.  She is every bit and just a little more stubborn, strong-willed, independent, and more sassy than I am or was.  She reminded me of this when she woke up on the wrong side of the bed Mothers Day morning.  Think Damien in The Omen II.  If you think I am exaggerating please feel free to confirm with my neighbors!  The day that was supposed to be fun and loving and full of wonderful thoughts of why I love being this little girls mommy were anything but that.  I was at a point where I thought I was going to beat this child until child services came knocking (all thoughts of course).  This is all before 10:00 a.m. 

Thankfully the day did not continue this way but ended actually very wonderful and exactly how I would have pictured it.  I believe that this day started by showing me not what an awful child I have but how strong my love for this little girl really is.  Being a mother is not all cupcakes and rainbows, but are filled with bad times as well.  As she is still learning her independence and her decision-making, she will have moments that take control of her.  These moments, I have realized, are also presented to me to take control of and use as teaching tools for her.  Now I am not saying I am perfect, it is tough as hell being a mother.  It is hard to be put in these moments and not let your emotions get the best of you.  I sat in my room and cried a good part of the morning thinking I have done something wrong for her to be acting this way towards me.  I thought for a moment I was the worst mommy ever.  Then I also thought about all these emotions going through her and trying to control them and how scared she must be thinking she is a horrible person for letting this all spew out of her mouth.  It was then I was able to clear my head and be able to calm down and control the situation.  I am human and sometimes let my emotions also get the best of me but it is how you end your day that determines whether it was good or bad not how it started. 

She and I grabbed this bull by the horns and ended our day as one of the best Mothers Day to date in my book!  This day was the perfect example of why I love being a mother.  There is reward in every outcome no matter how bad it may seem at the time if you just keep pushing towards it.

Mothers Day at the Beach.

{The heart of a mother is a deep abyss at the bottom of which you will always find forgiveness.}

{love loudly.}